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What I had stored up was a lot of fear! That kept me from being close to people, from creating Unity. Salvation is to be freed from what keeps us from creating unity, living in unity.
I always need to be reminded that we have a mission. AND that this mission is not always, nor often lived out on grand scales. It is lived in the very simple moments of giving. I get this reminder as I have been spending a lot of time in the hospital visiting someone who has very few connections. He likes being reminded that there are people who do think of him.
If we act such that our inner self is reflected in our actions, we are signifying our wholeness, our freedom. I know I feel energy when I act on that wholeness, and I feel disconnected when I do not.
That question “Why?” is important to me. I want to know “why ” i would want to do such things. When I know “Why?” then I can engage and participate in it. I don’t want to do anything because I “have” to or I “should”, that is a sign of lack of belief, lack of control, lack of freedom.
Jesus is clear…the Holy Spirit. The Father will give it.
However, I kind of picked up a different attitude as a child, a hard attitude to break…grew up being told pray for this and that…things, like good grades, toys, winning lotto tickets…Clearly the father did not give those to me, although I was given a pretty good mind, so the good grades came from that.
Greatest revelation in prayer that I received was to ask God not for things, or to change others, but to change ME…Not an easy road, but as the poem says, that has made all the difference.
We have the Lord’s prayer today in the readings….a prayer of utter humility and love before the Father. It is not one of coaxing, nor pleading, but a simple, yet radical expression of dependence on the Father. This is why Jesus prayed it. That dependence, that trust of the Father is what empowered him to do what was good and right for so many, for us, even to the point of death.
I think some of my best moments in prayer was when I was totally broken down. I had tried to do too much, and in my own way. Failure. Turning to the Father…renewal, and a new opportunity always arose.
In my bad moments, I JOKINGLY say that being a priest would be great, if it weren’t for the people. Which means I am feeling stressed and pulled in a thousand different ways by demands (both real and imagined).
Jesus keeps it in perspective for me. Life becomes centered and manageable when I keep in mind that all that I do, serves a greater purpose; and if all that I do does not, it is truly meaningless.