“…Divine Light entered my heart from His love that did never fully wane, though indeed, dear, I can understand how a person’s faith can at times flicker, for what is the mind to do with something that becomes the mind’s ruin: a God that consumes us in His grace….” (Love Poems from God: Twelve Sacred Voices from the East and West. Daniel Ladinsky, 2002)
Doubts arise in me and, I believe, in all, because when we are faced with the Ultimate Truth, that God loves us completely and never abandons us, we cannot believe it. It is too good to be true.
Thus, we will not believe, and when we are immersed in what appears as darkness, it is easy to be covered up by it. It is easy to doubt. We can’t believe that God is even present amid the darkness.
A person came to me recently, tears in the eyes, doubting God’s love, God’s presence. I tried to instill hope through a shared story of my own descent into the darkness, and how God surprised me there, and helped to pull me out.
I don’t think any amount of theology would help this person to understand. I have to trust that a seed was planted within, and the person will persevere beyond doubts. That a sharing of my story with God will help in some way.
I still get lost in the darkness too, I have bad periods when the depression comes back a bit. I forget that there is hope, there is love, that God truly works in mysterious ways. It usually happens because the world, and my life is not as I think it ought to be. The ego is not happy.
Prayer brings me back to the truth of God, God’s presence in the world, the need of humility for my ego.
Prayer brings me back to the reality of God’s all consuming grace, given by the Spirit in Christ.