The goal, the desire is to be a fool in the world, and wise in the eyes of God.

This is a wisdom that brings freedom, salvation, it brings life!

Yet, how do I balance my needs, which are real and which I want to take care of, with my desire to give of myself?  There is no cookie cutter for this; as mature people, we each need to determine this for ourselves, in our own unique lives.

I guess for me, it is always being careful to distinguish between need and want.  I may want something, but I don’t always need it.

Obviously there is a need to eat, drink, sleep; so I am not talking about those.

But, time off, time away, certain”things”….these are the more ambiguous.  I used to feel shame for some of these, but that has been diminished.  The balancing i ask myself, “Does this help me to be more present to others?”  I could work and work and work, but that will lead to burnout, and that will make me soooo not present to others.  So I know that for me to be less grouchy, less passive aggressive, more attentive to others, I need to get away and be restored.  So I take my days off, I will take vacations.  I do not feel shame for this.

“Toys” are harder for me.  I tend to be fascinated with shiny gadgets.  I have to constantly ask myself “Why do I want this????”  And most of the time, it isn’t for clear justifiable reasons.

That is life isn’t it.  I wish it were easier and clearly spelled out for me, but it isn’t.  It is messy, it is shades of gray, it can be complicated.  Yet in the end, it is wonderful and exciting.  Life is good, and it gets better when I am willing and wanting to give myself to it.

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